So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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