she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
