I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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