fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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