9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
