he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
