We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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