i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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