So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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