You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
