her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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