We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
