I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
