a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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