I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
