Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
