I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
