it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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