so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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