just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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