just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
