lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
