you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think my moral compass just broke
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
