If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
