it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
3 2 1 whiskey
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
