I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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