The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
