Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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