I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
