somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
