sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
