Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
