HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
