Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
