idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
