dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
