I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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