Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
