Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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