Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
