They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize