if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
