I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
