You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
