Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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