You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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