Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
