Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
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The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
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Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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