Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
