dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
