ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
