yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
