I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
