i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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