You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
