Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
