it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
