if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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