you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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