i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
