...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
