i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
