don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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