Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
