Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Do you have feelings for this penis?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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