it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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