News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
