He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
