There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize