Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just cropdusted the office
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
