You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
