id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
