Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Your penis caused this!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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