I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
