do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
